The ridiculous deal we got on expedia should have made me suspicious of this "resort" much sooner than it did. In keeping with my "dont-clutter-your-brain-with-things-until-they-really-matter-like-checking-on-the-limo-service-for-your-wedding policy, I only became worried while flying out to vegas that our $5.00/night delux resort might be a camp ground. But we arrived, and it was a very nice hotel... but it was definately newly opened (used to be the old Ritz Carlton, (charles?). The 'concierge' was 15 years old and didn't even know how to get to the strip, or that the Hoover Dam was 15 minutes away, or that Celine Dion lived up the road. These were things we picked up along the way. Also, it would ahve been nice to know upon our arrival, not 4 days into our 7 day vacation that there is a free spa that is amazing and has magical water healing rooms with fresh cucumbers ready to make you look 10 years younger.
Even Lester loooooved the spa facilities, even though they were gender specific, and I'm sure he missed me during his magical water time. I was waiting in the lobby when he first came out and he looked like he had been in a coma for a year. It was my favorite thing about the vacation, although my massage lady was also pretty entertaining. She was very mystical, herbal, spiritual, and was telling me all about essential oils during my amazing massage. She could have been telling me anything and I would agreed just to get her to like me so she would keep giving me the best massage of my life. She was a master, and was referring to the muscles with their anatomical names, I thought 'she really knows her stuff'. I think I reached nirvana at one point. Howeverthe misty fog of pleasure began to lift when, in response to a question about a pain in my upper back, she said "ah - that is where your intestine is" I said, oh you mean like the accupressure site? She said "No, your intestines go all de vay up your back. I vent to the Bodies Exhibit at ze Luxor and I saw that ur intestines go allllll the vay up here. You must have eaten sometink very bad, so you have back pain".
After this I couldn't get back into my state of complete surrender and openness to healing. I think I love to think that massage therapists/alternative medicine people have special powers that can cure me of everything. I want to believe this, if only for a few minutes of incense and essential oil of lavendar bliss. I just shouldn't speak to them, it ruins the illusion- like talking to the stripper after his 'act' about his studies...
Below is our breakfast at the resort -- it was amaZING... yes I brought my own tea and they were cool with it.
The pool, which closed at 8pm -- and was always empty, except for a kid here and there.
Smartest decision of the week? - Getting a rental car. Thank you Hertz and Lester's sense of direction.
The Hoover Dam -- the amount of concrete it took to make the dam could build a 2 lane highway from San Francisco to NYC. That's a ton of conrete. The tour guides at the Dam all make "damn" jokes like "... i cant remember, but I laughed.
Next to the resort was this little village with adorable restaurants, and this was a very fun night. The piano man here doubled as an accordian player and played for us at our table, so we got up and danced. It was one of my favorite parts of the whole trip.
David Copperfield show. It was AWESOME... before the show he came by and stole our Popcorn and walked around eating it and chatting to people, then gave it back to us. I felt weirdly honored.
Kill me now, the sushi was SO good.
The Bellagio room of magical sunlight and flowers.
That is all. It was really fun. People were saying that Vegas was a weird choice for a honeymoon, but I think the above sculpture explains that, yes, it is a "weird" choice, but sometimes weird is the essence of GLORIOUS.
No comments:
Post a Comment